He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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