I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I still have a little drunk in my system
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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