I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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