found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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