Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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