Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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