I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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