it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
