In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
