were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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