it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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