I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
well you can't waste a boner
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
