Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
