this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
