Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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