I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
