i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
