sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
