Taylor Swift is so right about you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
