woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
