Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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