Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
