i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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