either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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