I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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