There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
