I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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