someone owes me an orgasm
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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