And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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