I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
