My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
