So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
