that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
