I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
