I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
