so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
