If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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