Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize