made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
