were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize