I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
