i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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