just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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