I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
