I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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