If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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