So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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