I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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