This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize