best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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