Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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