so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
