He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
