Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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