absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
