I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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