just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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