just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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