I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
