you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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