I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
