can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
