I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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