Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
