dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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