Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
