Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
