woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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