Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
