Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
