Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
