he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
