you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
