you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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